Growing up, it was drilled into us how imperative it was to respect our elders and no matter what they say, you must accept it and be grateful for it. An older person sees it as their duty to advice you on anything and at any time especially when you ask questions, which is absolutely fantastic as the Yoruba proverbs says;
“A person, who asks questions, never makes unnecessary mistakes”
But the moment you announce you are getting married, this is when it gets better, with grim looks and a twinge of danger in their voice, the advices begin to pour forth, and you don’t need to ask or go looking for it.
They would usually start with “my son” ,”my daughter” or “my dear”, this might not mean you are that dear to them, it’s an inflection to ensure you understand the gravity of what you are about to do and the seriousness of the advice they are about to dish out. As much as advices are good and could help you avoid certain pitfalls, you have to recognize that every individual and their relationship are peculiar and so is yours, so knowing what advice to take or ditch is key.
As much as possible I would reiterate that this is a fun post.
- Dress like a married woman: – This rule usually applies to the woman, you are told to ditch all your jeans and start wearing “iro and bubo”, don’t wear certain hairstyles or makeup, basically just start dressing like your Mother or Grandma. ( Yeah someone actually told me this)
- Have children immediately: – This is one commandment everybody including your own parents expects you to obey immediately; an Aunt that I barely know called me during my honeymoon to tell me this. Not that they would help with finances or care of the children.
- Never argue or fight your husband: – Basically be a doormat, say yes to his every command, whims and caprices, don’t say nothing, when he offends you, just pray about it.
- Don’t tell your wife everything: – Well on this I would say to the man, good luck!!!
- The kitchen is the woman’s place: – And the bedroom is the man’s place, really?!
- Your in-laws come first: – Someone told a friend of mine on her wedding day that her husband’s siblings come first before her; guess what, the woman was not even a family member.
- Have a joint account: – Ehm, why don’t you just do what works for you and your spouse.
- What happens in your home stays there: – I agree, but not when your life and sanity is at stake, seek help when necessary from the appropriate quarters.
- You should make more money than your wife: – I would just leave this here.
- Always have a hot meal waiting for him, when he comes back from work: – Even if he always gets home before you or you both live in Lagos and he works on the mainland while you work on the island.
These are a few advises I was given, some I took and some I ignored, you have to know what applies and works for you and your spouse. Please share with us, some good, bad or weird marriage advises you were given, thank you.