It’s December again, and as you have seen on Instagram, the “Phune” boys will be here (in naija) soon.
They speak with an intonation that leaves you wondering what particular country you would trace their accent to. With the “init”s and “aii”s and all that brouhaha they seek to confuse us with.
There’s nothing supernormal about Yankee. It’s civilized yea, but they have poor people too, and pick pockets and community issues and every other vice common to the human race. So I wonder why we try so hard to dissociate ourselves from Nigeria’s own issues. Famzing another man’s land isn’t going to make you non-Nigerian. Awe, you still come from one of the most corrupt nations in the world!
I dare not try to compare Naija with any other developed nation but I dare to say I love my ewedu and amala, I love the fact that I can evade tax when I start my business…not like it’s evasion though, I won’t just pay…and I also won’t feel guilty because the road to my house is full of pot holes and there’s hardly power supply and I pay for almost everything the government should provide freely.
So as I was saying, I love the lawlessness and freedom, the fact that nobody minds their business, and everybody wants to know what’s going on with you…just for the sake of knowing and comparison (at times)…yea..I love that we don’t speak through our nose and that we have some kind of weird strength and hope for a better tomorrow all the while knowing tomorrow may not be better if we do not change our today.
I love the fact that we have proved Karl Marx right on his theory about religion being the opium of the people. I love the weather and NTA. Yea, I love NTA because it has shown me that you can be completely obsolete and irrelevant despite having all the resources to put you at the top of your game. Beautiful people, I must say.
Speaking phune is supposed to make you appear wealthy cause you can afford a flight ticket… Deep I must say. Dangote doesn’t speak phune, yet I believe the white man can hear him loud and clear. They can hear me too, you know. And that’s cause I speak clear English with the proper pronunciations, not Phune.
But how dare I attack you, it’s all for the market sales…and really, that’s fine, I won’t judge trust me. Just take it easy though when you have to pronounce polysyllabic words, cause na there water go pass garri!
I love the fact that people roam aimlessly at Shoprite all with phune accents, all trying to act tush, most buying nothing, most looking for “customers”.
Please, next time you see any of these weird “phune” fellows, ask them:
“So, how market?”
Note: awe means friend in Yoruba.